Another Account of a Nude Beach

Another Account of a Nude Beach around you

I’m going to confess to you that I’ve never been to a nude beach although I grew up next to the ocean, and I like looking at my beloved’s body as much as anyone could.  I have several reasons (“Excuses,” you say?) for my historic lack of interest.

First, in my younger days, I once set off on a mini-Thelma and Louise adventure with a friend who owned a Porsche convertible.  We dropped the top on that11344657_s Another Account of a Nude Beach baby and cruised Maine’s long, jagged coast, ending up in a small town I dare not name. There, I met a strapping young sternman named “Tiny.”  Now, if all you’ve seen of near nude romantic encounters on the beach are movies like “From Here to Eternity,” you might think a friendly tussle on the sand would be an enchanting interlude.  I’m here to tell you about sand flies and sand.  Who wants to kiss while covered in grit? Well, we (I) cut it short.

Next, I know many men (and some women) who would like to ogle a hundred nubile young women (or even the promised “thousand virgins of heaven”), but you’re going to have to select your beach very carefully because if you do not….Well, I can envision what might pop up or out, and I’d rather not.

I’ve heard it said that men are more visual than are women.  According to Dr. Phil, this is true. In an article addressed to women on Oprah’s site, Phil claims, “Men are visually stimulated, which means if they are in a target-rich environment, they may well become aroused.”  So, make sure that little racer covers your “you-know-what.” Wait a minute!  No racers allowed.  If you want to go to a nude beach, most of them require you dress like the crowd, which means, “No clothing allowed!”

Now, let me just finish this thought.  Men may have the “wiring” as Phil says or the hormones that set them off just by looking, but women aren’t immune.  The other day, someone mentioned that Denzel Washington is nude in his latest film.  Apparently, it’s true, and I’m taking a little break to see a movie this afternoon.

14697002_s Another Account of a Nude BeachLastly, before I give you directions to nude beaches around the world, I want you to go out and buy some high numbered, all the UV letters, sunscreen because you will ruin your vacation in fifteen minutes or less exposing your snowy-white parts.  And wear a hat.  And sunglasses.  You never know who you’ll run into, and you might want to be recognized – or not.

Having reviewed a number of sites (with photographs) of the “best” nude beaches in the world, here are some sample picks.

1.  Plage de Tahiti, St. Tropez, France – Check out these umbrellas! I’m making this Number One because it addresses all the concerns noted above.

2.  St. Barth’s.  Who can go wrong in the Caribbean?  I was persuaded, however, by this quote from a traveler’s fond memory of a nude beach in St. Barth’s reported by the Huffington Post, “enjoying a Cuban cigar and a glass of French rosé wine on Saline Beach in the late afternoon – wearing nothing but a hat.” It’s actually illegal to be nude on this beach, but if you want to risk it, you probably won’t be alone when arrested.  If you fear arrest, head to Spain where public nudity is apparently legal.

3.  Haulover Beach, Miami. Now, this one is iffy.  It was ranked third (at the South Beach end) by the Huffington Post which claimed you could jump right into a fabulous volleyball game, but yours truly discovered this traveler’s comment, “Be careful of the old nudist beach…Elderly naked men trying to sell umbrellas advocating nudist rights…”  Enter at Haulover Beach Park, head toward South Beach, and hope.

4.  “Clothing is Not An Option.” This beach actually has a motto and is sanctioned by the government.  If you want to join the crowd, go to Praia do Pinho in Santa Catarina, Brazil.  Be quick! There’s a surfing championship match on January 12th.

5.  Playa Al Agua, Margarita Island, Venezuela.  Lovely beach, palm trees, waves not too big.  Use Google Images to take a good look.

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6.  Baker Beach (north side), Presidio, San Francisco.  Great views of the San Francisco Bridge, but – note the dog.  Come naked if you wish, but come shod.

7.  Take the whole family to Club Orient, Saint Martin.  Visiting a resort is a very good way of preserving your privacy from the public-at-large and also staying on the right side of the law.

8.  Oh yeah.  How about Breezes Grande in Jamaica, mon?

9.  I prefer a canopied bed on the beach or a half-shell lounge.  Take your lovey by the hand and go to the couples-only Temptation Resort in Cancun.  It’s not a true nude beach when “topless only,” but given the other amenities, it might be adequate.

10.  In my opinion, the best nude beach is a warm, private pool.  I remember a place on Caye Caulker in Belize, under a full moon…

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